#memory confabulation

[creature-wizard]

Me, an occultist who's seen way too much shit: *Personally goes and locates extremely obvious cases of memory confabulation, like New Agers "remembering" past lives based on racist New Age pseudohistory*

Project Monarch true believers: "Ugggghhhh you're just getting your information from the Grey Faction and the False Memory Syndrome Foundation!!!!"

[dickgreyson]

the secret origins of nightwing is a funny read bc he is just lying to himself and joey for 30 pages and like girl for what

[rachaelokeeffe]

In this episode, we explore the role of memory in art. Pierre Bonnard relied on memory to create his paintings. This podcast asks how can our senses provoke memories and how can our past inspire us? We hear from contemporary artists, a stroke survivor, a neuroscientist and an author and poet.

[elblogdecleo]

The Mandela Effect: A Fascinating Psychological Phenomenon

[specialagentartemis]

What queer Asian sci fi authors would you recommend?

Yeah, to put my money where my mouth is, here are some queer SFF writers from Asia and the Asian Diaspora in the Anglosphere that I really like and highly recommend:

Nghi Vo: probably doesn���t need an endorsement from me, hah, her The Empress of Salt and Fortune is one of the most perfect novellas I’ve ever read and well deserved its Hugo win. The whole Singing Hills cycle is great. It’s a fantasy world strongly inspired by Imperial China and Vietnam, and does clever things with fantasy, folklore, storytelling, and memory. Her novels are standalone historical fantasy set in 1920s-America-with-magic and are very much about Asian immigrant/diaspora experiences in the early 20th century US. With Magic.

Yoon Ha Lee: I love his Machineries of Empire. Would love to finish that trilogy someday. But seriously it’s creative, intense military sci-fi in a magic-science space empire and is very interested in what it takes to uphold such a system.

Simon Jimenez: The Vanished Birds is sooo heartbreakingly good and I need to read A Spear Cuts Through Water soon.

Isabel J. Kim: Short story writer. Runs the gamut of sci-fi, fantasy, horror, and the weird stuff in between. Creative and vivid in really compelling ways. Her first novel is in the works and I am SUPER interested. She does funky and creative things with perspective and structure in her stories. Has several stories now that are about turning popular tropes or other iconic stories around like they’re in a kaleidoscope, but her first published story “Homecoming Is Just Another Word for the Sublimation of the Self” is probably still the most affecting to me.

Michelle Kan: Has a trilogy of novelettes called Tales of the Thread, self-described as “aromantic Chinese fairytales” that take a deliberately aro approach to fairytale retellings and fairytale style fantasy. I recommend them. (Also has a superhero novel I haven’t read.)

———

Haven’t read yet but they are on my TBR:

Aliette de Bodard: Her Xuya universe novellas, and the relationships between humans and AIs and spaceships, sound super up my alley.

Kai Cheng Thom: Author of Fierce Femmes and Notorious Liars: A Dangerous Trans Girl’s Confabulous Memoir is a less traditionally sff entry but is a fabulist/surrealist take on the Trans Memoir… which I feel like I have to be in the right space for, but I do want to read it.

———

Also he’s not out as queer or anything but I can’t not recommend Ted Chiang because he writes some of the best short stories In The World and has THE most interesting and unique and compelling ideas.

———

There are also so many more authors out there I don’t know and haven’t read! But! Someday!!

[bloodchapell]

an agreement - armin a.

brief summary: you both wake up the morning after the party with the worst headaches ever. you look at each other and smile without a clue of what happened in the party but eren and mikasa make sure to refresh your memories. how are things going to be now?

what to expect: alt and very nerdy reader, equally nerdy armin, mutual pinning

your sword's note: this is so cute im dead 🙏🏻. all past and future parts of this au series available on my mistresslist

The sun started hitting your eyelids and you turned to your side as to avoid it, you don't feel like waking up just yet. You turn and you hit your face with something, so you rub your eyes and open them tiredly. Your forehead kinda hurts but you ignore.

It's Armin's back.

He also seems to notice so he turns around just as sleepy.

"You stayed over after the party?" He asks clueless. You shrugged, with as much information as him.

"The last thing I remember was going back after taking a breath outside." You try recalling, "I assume we did decide to leave and I stayed over...?"

"I guess..." He agrees with your deduction and closes his eyes again, you do too.

You both sleep a little more until you hear a knock on Armin's door.

"Come in." He says with his eyes still closed, bothered at the light.

Mikasa comes in with a cup of water and a little bottle.

"How are you guys feeling?" She looks a little concerned. You and Armin look at her without understanding. "Armin threw up because he drank so much and you hit your head against a wall because you weren't paying attention to where you were walking."

After Mikasa's annotation, you nod. So that explains the pain in your forehead.

"I brought some analgesics." She hands one to each of you and you both thank her. "Eren is cooking breakfast, I will call you when it's ready."

You both thank her.

"So this is what happens when we get drunk..." You mutter touching your forehead.

"I do not remember throwing up." Armin mentions doubtful.

You both look at each other and laugh, not remembering what Mikasa narrated or anything else, so when she calls for breakfast you both get up. Armin is still wearing what he used the day before and you had one of his shirts and a pair of shorts on. Neither of you cared and you walked out into the living room. Eren was putting four plates in the table and as soon as he noticed the both of you, his face twisted into a mischievous grin that kinda startled you but to which Armin seemed used to. He is probably confabulating because we slept in the same bed, thought the blonde.

Armin sits in the chair he usually sits at and you sit besides him. While serving the food, the horrendous expression in Eren's face does not disappear.

Breakfast happens as if it was just another day, and once everyone is done, Mikasa and Eren look at each other and give and agreeing look to then start talking about the party.

"How did you guys like it?" Eren asks first.

"It was okay, I had fun." Armin replies concisely, Eren and Mikasa look at each other again.

"I had fun too, nothing too special but it was nice." You smile agreeing with Armin and again Mikasa and Eren share a look.

"You don't remember throwing up or hitting your face, right?" Mikasa asks to both of you and you shake your head. "What is the last thing you remember?"

"I remember that we walked outside for a little." Armin mentioned.

"Yeah I remember that after that we walked back in and talked a little more." You add.

"So that is all you remember?" Eren asks and you both nod, again, him and Mikasa look at each other.

By that point you and Armin look at each other, wondering what are they trying to imply. Though Eren was going to blurt out whatever he had to say, Mikasa stopped him and told him she would take care of it.

"Let me ask you something," Mikasa gently told you and you nodded, "In private."

You walked into Eren's room with her and she closed the door. It didn't seem too serious yet you were still scared.

"Do you like Armin?" She asked straight to the point.

"Why are you asking me that?" You got nervous, you were not afraid or ashamed to say the truth to people close to you like Pieck, but Mikasa was Armin's best friend and consequently it made you uneasy that she knew the truth.

"I understand its a little weird," Mikasa smiled trying to make you feel less nervous, "The thing is that you both don't seem to remember that you were ehm... kissing at the party and if you don't like Armin it would be best to just not bring it up."

You stayed quiet for a good while. You, in fact, did not remember that.

"Is that true?" You asked trying to hide your emotions, she nodded. "You saw us?"

"Me and Eren walked into you guys." She explained. "We were looking for Armin and you and well."

"So you don't know how it started?"

"Not really."

"I see."

Mikasa and you stayed silent for a second until she spoke again.

"If you want, you don't have to bring it up and can forget about it." She smiled, she did not know that you clearly liked Armin back because he was more vague describing it to her than he was describing it to Eren, who logically knew.

"Well I don't mind. I assume Eren is telling the same to Armin then." You brought up.

"Not really."

"Why?" You asked her with a strong gut feeling; you were not smart for nothing and had a feeling.

"Well... he really likes you and if you don't like him back it would be best if he didn't know." She said embarrassed.

She had no reason to lie to you, so you nodded and opened the door with an unusual strength, Eren and Armin immediately looking at you in awe, waiting for you to say whatever you had to say because it was clear you were going to announce something.

"Eren," you called, he replied, "What is it that you saw?"

Armin looked confused, but Eren knew exactly what you were talking about and his mischievous expression came back. He asked if you were sure it was okay to narrate it out loud like that and you nodded; it wasn't like it hadn't happened and they had not seen it.

"You seem voracious about this, I like it." Eren laughed sitting straight in his chair, looking at his friend, "Let's hope you are just as eager to hear this. Ehm, here I go: Last night at the party I started having separation anxiety and needed to find you before coming back home so I begged Mikasa to help me look for you, so after inspecting every corner of the house and seeing unraveling and traumatizing things, we opened the last door and saw you two... sharing a loving kiss!"

Eren's yelling seemed to bother Armin's headache at first but hearing the last sentence made him choke on the water he was drinking. His eyes inevitably locked in yours for a second and you opened your eyes nodding.

"What...?"

"Just as you hear it, you two were making out intensely. She was on top of you and..."

"Woah you did not mention that!" You looked at Mikasa embarrassed and she apologized softly.

When you looked back to Eren and Armin, you saw discretely the blond that had his brows furrowed strongly and saw the exact moment in which his eyes started to open more and more; he remembered.

"Well thanks for the intervention, I am sure we got it now." You patted Eren's back.

"But..."

"I said thanks." You gave him a scary look and walked back into Armin's room. It took a good while for him to follow you, but he eventually did. He walked in his room, looking at the floor, and closed the door.

"Do you remember what happened?" You asked gently. He did not reply for a good while.

"I do."

"I think I don't because I hit my head... I mean look at this bruise." You kept talking but he stayed quiet. "Armin, come here, tell me what happened."

He did so, adamantly. He sat down besides you and started narrating what happened after you went inside. You asked Mikasa for your jacket, you went upstairs, he held you so you didn't fall, you confessed, you kissed him, everything.

"Well that makes sense, what an eventful night..." You shrugged. He stayed quiet. "Why are you so silent?"

"You just did that because you were drunk..."

"Seriously Armin?" You grabbed his cheeks and made him look at you. "That probably had nothing to do, though it helped me be... less shy. But I like you, so again I will sit here and if you agree you can kiss me, if not you can leave."

"But this is my room..."

"I'll leave then."

"Don't leave." He quickly stood up, holding your hand to prevent you from leaving. He gently gave you a kiss in the cheek. "You still did not specify how I should kiss you."

You turned around to look at him with a fake angry expression and though he was fooled by it for a good second, you rushed to hug him.

"I like you so much Armin!" You yelled at the top of your lungs and he reciprocated the hug, with a dumb smile. "So don't be silly, got it?"

"Yeah..." He nodded. "I still can't believe it though..."

"Don't be silly!" You exclaimed squeezing him between your arms.

He sighed and nodded, and after a while of hugging, you both sat down, not knowing how to proceed.

"Ehm, honestly, I have never dated anyone... and I am afraid to disappoint you." Armin started nervously, playing with the hems of his sleeves.

"There is not much to it, I promise." You tried reassuring him.

"I don't want to be insufferable, but could we take it slow? For now?" He said but before you could reply he spoke again. "I am not saying, by any means, that I do not want this, I want it, more than anything at that, I simply don't want my incompetence to shoo you away."

"And it would not, but I do not mind taking things slow." You nodded and he smiled.

A little smile creeped in his lips, and again he moved his labret, softly, knowing he shouldn't be doing that.

[thestuffedalligator]

I remember reading that the developers of Ocarina of Time made Link mute so that players would project their own personality, or their own perspective, unto him, and of all the Links I think this is the most true for Breath of the Wild and Tears of the Kingdom Link.

I play Breath of the Wild and the Link in my head has a lot of internality. He grapples with questions of duty, and memory, but he’s also. Silly. Mischievous. Kind. This is a boy who does good not because it’s expected of him, but because it’s the right thing to do. I maintain the headcanon that since waking up in the Shrine of Resurrection, he’s different from the Link from his memories; he’s lighter, smiles easier, plays with koroks and children, not because he’s a different person but because an invisible burden has been lifted from his shoulders. When he regains his memories, he doesn’t do so with angst, but with a deepening understanding of himself.

And as a read on Link, it’s almost entirely confabulated nonsense. In every screenshot of Link in this game he has the expression of an untuned TV set. There isn’t a thought in his goddamn skull

[ennard-is-near]

Do you…Do you guys think Scott Cawthon knows what a frontal lobe is? Do you guys know what the frontal lobe is? Because I feel like some people don’t know how much brain that is.

Like holy shit (Brain facts below the cut)

Okay hi welcome to brain facts. So the fascinating thing about human brains is that the basic stuff is in the brain stem and towards the back of the brain, so things like breathing, digestion, and other stuff you do without thinking about it are all back there. The more complex stuff is in the front. Your frontal lobe in particular controls your speech (in an area called Broca’s area I think), motor function and personality. Less severe damage can result in lack of social awareness or increased impulsivity. But we aren’t talking about “less severe” damage so let’s get to the good stuff.

In the 1840s sometime, a man named Phineas Gage had a giant ass metal pole blown (with some sort of explosive gunpowder) through his head (entering under his cheek and exiting the top of his head) and survived. I don’t really think I can do justice how insane this is, but google it if you want to see a photo of a guy holding a rod that went through his head and a couple recreations of it. Gage was alive after this, and was mostly fine except for he had severe personality changes and intense epileptic seizures. What I’m getting at with this is that because the rod shot through his frontal lobe (FNaF reference) he was fine and actually survived about 13 years (just with the personality of an asshole) before he died of a seizure.

A lobotomy was an extremely popular practice in the 1950s that was intended to cure mental illness. Of course nobody knew what was going on back then so really sometimes they were just “curing” like hysteria or melancholy or whatever. The procedure, in its most popular form, involved sticking an ice pick up through a patient’s eye socket and just scrambling their brains (The frontal lobe) with it (extremely simplified). This often resulted in severe damage to their motor and speech skills, their personality, their thinking, etc. But it did make most people easier to deal with, so that’s good I guess. Arguably the most famous lobotomy patient (victim) is Rosemary Kennedy, JFK’s sister.

Okay, this is a FNaF account actually. So I’d like to call attention to a couple things Phone Guy says in reference to the Bite of ‘87. He says that Jeremy survived “without a frontal lobe” which is completely wild but like…probably possible? However it would lead to like total paralysis and complete inability to form coherent thoughts. And while in The Week Before, Ralph does say something about him “not talking anymore. Or doing much else.” And everyone does act like it’s a completely wild thing that he survived (which it is) but I feel like we should probably chalk “without” up to hyperbole, though you don’t have to if you don’t want to.

But even with it still like…partially intact some symptoms of severe injury to that big chunk of your brain are: short-term memory loss, loss of motor (both gross and fine) and speech skills, completely disorganized behavior and thinking, intense personality changes, creating false memories (confabulation, which sounds like a word I made up but it’s not) and probably the wildest one called anosogonia, which is where you just don’t realize that something is wrong with you (or the extent of it)

All this to say: nothing, really. I just really wanted to talk about this.

[brightlotusmoon]

'A Public Health Emergency': The Crusade to Assess Trump’s Mental Fitness for Office – MindSite News

There is indeed a statement on cognitive concerns [about Trump] that the World Mental Health Coalition put out before the election, signed by fifty of the most renowned forensic psychiatrists, neuropsychiatrists, and dementia specialists in the country, and published on our web site.

We listed problems that included a deterioration in language skills, such as simpler vocabulary, incomplete and incoherent sentences, grammatical errors, and paraphasias (substituting words); impaired memory/recall, such as confabulation, where memory gaps are filled with false or fabricated details; and tangential thinking, where speech often drifts to unrelated topics in an erratic manner.

Other problems included inappropriate or vague statements that lack connection to reality; perseveration, where thoughts or ideas are repeated without a relevant trigger; rigidity in thinking, evidenced by an inability to adapt or revise opinions, often manifesting as “doubling down”; amplification of maladaptive personality traits, such as paranoid (invented threats), narcissistic (excessive focus on self), or antisocial (criminal and dangerous) personality traits; disinhibition in speech, such as the frequent use of vulgar, profane language or hate speech; and disinhibition in behavior, such as impulsive decision-making or aggression and violence.

Cognitive problems and the high risk for dementia may be foremost in the public’s mind, since they are obvious, but they are not the most dangerous – in part precisely because they are obvious to laypersons. Although signs of dementia in him are serious, the most dangerous signs imperiling public safety and survival are the least perceptible. And this is why it was important to educate the public.

[siphonyx]

Since I've finally managed to put it into words:

Forgive me if there's been discussion on this before and I haven't seen it, but I think there's this tendency in the plural (and to a larger extent the tulpamancy community) to assume that a headmate is some grandiose thing that takes up a lot of energy and space in the brain, despite us not knowing what a headmate is.

Like people who claim that parallel processing is impossible because human beings cannot multitask - that may be true, but is having a headmate multitasking? Dissociation has been shown to be qualitatively different than task switching and roleplaying; different headmates can have different physiological conditions whereas multitasking won't get rid of that cold or allergy you have. What is a headmate anyway? If it's equivalent to a task being switched in then yes, it may be impossible, but if it's not, then it might be possible and/or a different function entirely (ex. inattentional agnosia). And stuff like that, which leads me to wonder - why is everyone assuming a headmate takes up so much space?

When it comes to having an inner world, people claim that you can't all be active in the innerworlds, and so memories there must be confabulated, but even neglecting the possibility of external innerworlds, people can spend all day in imagination without any ill effects. The human brain is designed to imagine stuff (if it wasn't the brain would find this a lot harder to do) so I can't see why it's considered a confabulation, when the brain is so good at imagining and remembering. Why would you think it's impossible for ten, even twenty headmates to be out and about inside, when we know humans can imagine things so easily and from multiple points of view?

The ease of tulpamancy and tulpa creation also points to this too. Most tulpamancers find it fairly easy to create a tulpa, something you wouldn't find if it were so hard on the brain and it took so much energy. I think everyone's forgetting that the fact that there are so many tulpamancers means that plurality is a low cost endeavor mentally, and a headmate shouldn't take up much space.

You see what I mean? There's an odd assumption there that because singlet is the default (that we know of), being plural must take up more space and energy, despite everything pointing to it being a lower energy state of existence.

[hereticcryptid]

Man. I hate executive dysfunction but what hurts more about ADHD is the memory issues. I literally cannot trust my memory, it is absolute hell. Esp since I learned about transient cognitive lapses + confabulation (and it being more common/frequent with ADHD). I could literally be on my way to do something and my brain blanks and makes up that I did do the thing if it's not obvious that I didn't. I am going to bite someone

[creature-wizard]

That moment when somebody undergoing past life regression hypnosis gives the year their memory supposedly took place in, but they're obviously going by the Gregorian calendar, which the culture their supposed past life was in wouldn't have used.

[poppy5991]

Dabi: Shoto said I’m cooler than you.

Fuyumi: Confabulations

Dabi: You mean congratulations?

Fuyumi: Confabulation- noun;

a happening wherein a person confuses imaginings with real events;

a problem where a person produces false memories about events

Dabi: WOW

[cal-daisies-and-briars]

🔍🔍🔍🔍🔍🔍🔍🔍🔍🔍🔍🔍

🪽🪽🪽🪽🪽🪽🪽🪽🪽

🍎🍎🍎🍎🍎🍎🍎🍎🍎🍎🍎🍎

🤏🏼🤏🏼🤏🏼🤏🏼🤏🏼🤏🏼🤏🏼🤏🏼🤏🏼🤏🏼🤏🏼🤏🏼

And if one of those is finished you can choose any story you would like to write at the moment 😄

Ahh thank you!

36 for 🔍:

---

It doesn’t matter. He’s doing this to ignore whatever false memories his brain is confabulating, not linger on them.

Except, it doesn’t stop. 

I-I know I'm single Buck again, but I want to be single Buck 2.0, he hears as he hitches her up in his arms. He ignores it. His imagination is just working overtime.

He carries her towards her bed. It’s a studio apartment - not a lot of room to wander. 

Like, if I'd come in here with Abby, I would never have noticed that blonde over there, licking the salted rim of her margarita glass while she maintains strong, intimate eye contact.

He has no idea what the context is for this. He has no idea who Abby is. He’s never dated anyone named Abby. Well, okay. He’s never even had a long term girlfriend. Nothing more than a fling. 

Okay, is that really happening? 

This voice is new. Another one Buck can’t place for the life of him. One that he feels he must know somehow, nevertheless. 

He places the woman down on her bed and reaches up her skirt. 

Say I go over there, right? I, uh... I talk to her, I make a joke, she smiles, we both laugh.

Buck pauses, annoyed by his own inner monologue. His finger freezes above the elastic of her thong. 

“What’s wrong?” She pants. 

“N-nothing,” Buck lies, pushing through his own stupor. 

But it doesn’t stop. 

Our-our shoulders touch, there's a moment…

He pulls down her underwear, pushes up her skirt. 

…I lean in a little closer, she doesn't resist.

“I have condoms,” she says. It strikes him that he’s already forgotten her name. 

“I could make you feel good first,” he offers. Some sort of consolation for how pointless this all is. 

One drink, two compliments later, we end up in bed together having totally meaningless sex.

---

27 for 🪽:

---

He just needs to find him first. 

And there’s one place he’s been avoiding for years. Maybe that’s where he needs to go now. 

Before the shift is over, Eddie texts Bobby.

Next time you visit Buck, can I come? 

He’s not ready to do it alone. 

Bobby replies quickly. 

Given everything that happened, I was planning on going tomorrow. Does that work? 

Bless Bobby for not asking any more prying questions. 

Eddie is relieved as he texts him.

That’s perfect. Thank you. 

x.

The drive to the facility in Pasadena is mostly silent. Eddie is struggling with his shit. Bobby is struggling with his shit. Neither of them are exactly feeling chatty. Nevertheless, Bobby still asks. Of course he does. For Bobby, it must seem like Eddie cares out of nowhere. “So, why the sudden interest?” He asks when they’ve nearly arrived. 

“Interest?” Eddie asks.

“In Buck.”

Eddie exhales. It’s a fair question. 

“It’s going to sound crazy.”

---

36 for 🍎:

---

“I don’t know! An emergency!” Bobby replies, exasperated.

Buck laughs. “I think I’d be fine.”

“When is Eddie moving back?” Bobby asks. 

“Thirteen days,” Buck says. 

Very specific. Very nonchalant. 

“Just… Stay until he’s back?” Bobby asks. Pleads, more like it. “For my peace of mind?”

Buck watches him for a moment, expression hard to read. 

“Okay,” he finally concedes. “For you.” 

Ah. Okay. Bobby understands now. 

“You’re doing me a favor,” Bobby confirms. 

Buck nods. He smiles a small smile.

“I hope work isn’t any fun without me,” he says. “I hope you’re all very bored.”

“Well, that’s considerate of you,” Bobby replies.

“What can I say? I’m a nice guy.”

“You’ll be back before you know it,” Bobby reminds him. 

Not that the thought of that doesn’t scare him. Just like all the other times, he finds himself worried about that day. 

🍏

Buck has his first big physiotherapy appointment the day Bobby goes back to work. He drives himself. Because he can do that now. It’s not even that painful.

---

And because 🤏🏼 is done, 36 for ☣️:

---

“Really?” Buck asks. That’s not usually the case. Usually, her investigative efforts yield dead ends, when it comes to this particular topic. 

Another nod. 

“Give me one minute,” she says. “What did you get?”

“Thai,” Buck says.

“Oh, thank you. Good choice.”

He moves to start setting out the dishes for their lunch while she finishes whatever it is she’s reading. When she’s done, she closes the manila file folder and looks at him.

“This is serious,” she says. 

He hands her the takeaway soda he knows she likes.

“Thank you,” she says. 

“What’s serious?” He asks. 

���The owner of the company that operated the SoCal lab-”

“Dr. Banting?” Buck asks. 

“No,” Athena shakes her head. “Banting was the director, but not the overall patron of the research. That was a corporation called Netch-Co. Owned by Dr. Basil Netch.”

“Okay,” Buck says. “What does that mean?” 

“Well, Netch was a biologist. A researcher,” Athena says. “I’m going to have to look for more of what he was working on. A lot of it is classified.”

“Classified?” Buck echoes. 

“Mhm. He was working with the military, but Netch-Co’s contract with the military was unexpectedly terminated in 2016.” 

Buck nods, following along. He can see why she thinks she’s found something. But Buck can’t really see how any of this gets her closer to her goal. 

[sophieinwonderland]

Hi, I heard you know a lot about plurality. (T.W: mention of my suicidal thoughts)

I may have split an alter (or alters?) due to suicidal thoughts and anxiety. I do not have DID. I heard a male voice in my head that told me not to kill us, and the alter 'Ethan' as he called himself actually stayed with me, chatting in headspace. He mentioned there were other alters (including someone called Sarah) but refused any questions. I got a bit better, and I haven't heard him before or since.

Is this plurality? I'm not sure if I want it. I have identity issues. If you can become a system through tulpamancy, is it possible to reverse the process, and become singlet?

This could be plurality but it's complicated with the details given.

I'm going to give you the non-plural possibility first.

I'm not sure exactly what you mean when you say that he stayed with you. Was it days? Weeks? Or was it only hours? If it was just a few hours, one thing I want to mention is...

Ephemerals

I believe that a true headmate comes with some form of permanence. At least appearing a couple times. There are temporary non-headmate entities even singlets have that I call "ephemerals." These will only last for a single interaction and then won't appear again.

The most common type of ephemeral is a dream character. You go to sleep and there are these other people in your dreams and you can talk to those people and they can answer questions about themselves. But then as the dream ends, so do they.

These non-headmate entities can create memories of their own. If you ask them a question, they can answer those questions and be seemingly sincere about the answers even if they don't make sense. (This is called confabulation.)

When you are in a state of exhaustion and sleep deprived, you may experience sleep-like symptoms.

I think it's entirely possible that this is all that Ethan was. You may not have been asleep, but you also may not have been entirely in your right mind.

If you have a psychotic disorder or you were sleep deprived at the time or you were on some type of drugs that could cause hallucinations, that could explain an accidental ephemeral popping up.

If Ethan existed for longer than a day, then he would be a headmate.

(This is also a bit of a spectrum and some ephemerals can become headmates through repeated interaction.)

Reconsidering DID

You say that you don't have DID. And that may well be the case. But it could also have just not been found yet, and I think it would be irresponsible to not mention the possibility.

A lot of people who suffer from suicidal ideation have some history of childhood trauma. You mentioned identity issues which could be linked to dissociation. There are a lot of red flags in this that make me think that DID should be a consideration.

And losing contact with Ethan could be a result of changing mental states. A lot of systems will have trouble talking to each other for a little while after certain changes. New medications seem to be frequent factors in harming communication, for example.

What should you do now?

My advice would be to do nothing at the moment.

If Ethan was an ephemeral, further interaction could cause him to develop into a headmate which you don't seem to want.

If he's not, looking for headmates that are dormant at the moment could threaten the stability you've found.

When Ethan or another headmate tries to make contact, listen to them and talk to them. But in the meantime, just live your life.

And absolutely do not try to get rid of your headmates

There is a method that some have used to get rid of tulpas called dissipation. This is a process of intentionally ignoring a tulpa until they eventually stop talking.

This is traumatic for many tulpamancers, and trying to dissipate an alter is even worse since many of them have been around for years. This can breed hatred and internal conflict that can make your life Hell.

And it doesn't really work. Or, it doesn't seem to get rid of them permanently. What it likely does is cause dormancy for a little while, but it's always possible for them to come back. Which is basically the state you are in now, meaning trying to do this would be pointless anyway. 🤷‍♀️

There is also fusion as an option which is one potential goal for recovery in DID but is also possible for other types of systems, but it requires the consent of both parties.

Since you are stable right now and functionally a singlet for the time being, I don't see the point in trying for this at the moment.

Also, just personally, if Ethan is still there, I don't think it's right to try to get rid of someone who tried to save your life.

[zenkor123]

WIP Wednesday

Peeta remembers something from the interview prep in the first games

"I remembered something while we were talking" Peeta says

"Spit it out" Leeg says

"Sure" Peeta says

"It's really interesting cause it's from the games and there's nothing shiny about it, I guess I'm lucky" Peeta continues

"And so are we" Tong says

"It's the interview prep from the first games, Haymitch began complaining about how Katniss could not act, he thought she would bomb the interviews, so it was my job to carry the interviews for her" Peeta says.

"You, Ceasar and Cinna" Leeg says

"Haymitch said Katniss has the charisma of a porcupine, but it was my job to present the porcopine, to tame her for the audience, I asked him what he meant by taming, he told me that the audience would be taming her by sponsoring her" Peeta continues

"Pissy is wild, like an animal" Leeg says

"She's like a rattlesnake mutt" Tong says

"Snake piss" Leeg says "I like the sound of it" she continues

"Snakes are so Snow" Peeta says

"Her songs suck like a rattlesnake" Tong says

Peeta is quiet

"Ok go on" Leeg says to Peeta

"So I laughed and suggested trying to get unscripted responses out of her" because "Katniss is about action not words" I actually said that, wow"

Leeg and Tong don't make a sound allowing Peeta to speak.

"Haymitch agreed with me, and Cinna told me how right I was, and that our mentor had the wrong approach when asked by Haymitch what bright ideas he has Cinna said simply "to put her on fire" I asked if that would work a second time but Haymitch said "some tricks work twice my boy" then the interview prep was done for the day"

"What day was it?" Leeg asks

"I don't remember, the memories all over the place, but Haymitch knows" Peeta makes a plan to ask Haymitch about it, takes out his notebook and puts a reminder.

"this one felt like I was really there, usually I'm watching someone else, it's kind of like a movie," Peeta thinks to himself and begins doubting the memory before saying "it feels real, but I'm not convinced."

"Violet and Bruno have problems with confabulation as well, it was like a big revelation that they could sort real memories from fake ones, then they got more unreal memories" Tong says

"I'll find out when I ask Haymitch" Peeta says

"It's pretty entertaining regardless" Leeg says

"Thanks" Tong says

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